Writing Fiction First Person

When I open a book and see it is in first person--where the main character personally tells the story—I expect an eloquent revelation of the emotional concerns of the character. In most cases, that's not what I'm finding. More times than not, I read a regular story told with a limited viewpoint. Often the story suffers because the emotions of other characters aren't revealed. Most of the books I've read could have been changed to third person without missing a beat. Nothing was gained by the first-person presentation, and I've occasionally found myself frowning when the "I" became really obvious; "That's right," I think, "This is first person," having forgotten the assumed style. A first-person viewpoint can allow for a more active voice, and in today's book marketplace active voice is a definite plus, but there are many pitfalls in using this voice. One of my own titles was a first person story. I recall the discipline it took to maintain the tone and voice of the character; there is no room to deviate. Yet in books I've read deviations are many. Examples:

1. A first-person character spoke of himself and acted like someone of minimal schooling, and yet many of the passages (through this first-person voice) used language and observations that bespoke a higher level of education.
2. In another book, the first-person adolescent protagonist was lamenting her strict and limited cultural upbringing, yet used metaphors and references beyond the scope of the aggrieved lifestyle and her age. This disparity was enhanced by the story being told in present tense—there was no distance of time to assume she had acquired the knowledge after she matured and left the community.
3. Another problem arose when the protagonist voiced a preference or prejudice, but didn't exhibit the emotions that go with the stated feelings. In one section, the character admits having the willies in a unclean environment, yet she didn't show discomfort when entering a dirty, rundown warehouse.
4. Really disturbing is when the protagonist becomes a sort of Houdini or Superman, reading post-a-note messages upside-down and half obscured on the desk so the reader can learn the information, or realizing someone is carrying an expensive brand of wine by identifying the cork emerging from the edge of the carry bag.
5. The worst problem occurs when first-person characters know bits of information that aren't revealed in their presence. To circumvent this, I read many books where the author resorts to the Device of having the character meet someone who knows all and proceeds to tell it to the protagonist. This slows the story to a halt, with too much discourse and not enough action.

Writing first person should draw the reader into the environment and emotions of the story: what the protagonist sees is what the reader sees; protagonist emotions and interests determine how other characters and circumstances are viewed. The main thrust of first person should be the impact events have on the emotions and psyche of the protagonist. If this personal impact isn't developed, the story becomes rather like someone telling about their vacation and giving way too much information (the shorter the better with first person). And like a vacation story, what's happening is only shown/told through one person's eyes. If that person isn't highly intuitive, extraordinarily impacted by the events, or marvelously eccentric, everything becomes rather bland. If you are writing a first person story (or planning to) here are some suggestions.

· Avoid the use of third person-type sentences: "I looked across the street and saw a dog running up the alley." In first person, it isn't necessary to identify the character—there is only one. If something is shown (the dog running) it's because the first-person character saw it: "Across the street, a dog ran up the alley." This corrected sentence provides a more active voice, and it insures the first person viewpoint.
· The same is true with emotions and sensations. "I went outside and felt the cool breeze on my face..." Saying "I felt" isn't necessary; just give the sensation and reaction: "The cool breeze felt wonderful after the stuffiness of the room." (More information, more action, no "I", no "felt")
· Avoid overusing the pronoun, "I". If the voice is strong, it shouldn't be necessary—as with the "breeze" example above.

A few examples of well-constructed first-person stories: Contemporary - Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich, Historical - The Accidental Spy, by J. R. Lindermuth, Science Fiction - Muse of Fire, by Dan Simmons. (Please leave a note about those you've read and liked.) If you haven't read these, sample them at least, and think about the construction. A good test: In a paragraph, if you don't lose anything by substituting "he" (or the necessary third-person pronoun) for "I", then the first person isn't working. Writing in first person is more difficult than many people believe. When done correctly, it is excellent; when it's a bit sloppy--well, it's a bit sloppy. Of the recent first-person titles I've read, only one in four have been well constructed.